Last night your sister was having a "Cylas" moment. These moments happen once a month and last until after the 24th of whatever month were in. These moments involve talking about you, wondering what you may be doing , and just to to let me know that she misses her baby brother. There are a million things I wish I could do to ease her pain or to go back in time and bring you back, but that's just not going to happen.
Your sister said that she misses you and then she asked me, "mom, why can't Cylas just come back?" I honestly didn't have a answer for her. All I wantedto do was cry and hold her close. After a few moments, I told her that Cylas wouldn't want to come back because he was having so much fun with the angels and flying around heaven with his new friends. Prairie looked at me and said "mom, Cylas is just a baby he doesn't have wings." With that we both just sat on the bed and loved each other. I have tried so hard to make this easier for her, but sometimes I feel like I fail her in so many ways. I also feel like I have no support from her dad's side of the family. They all want me to get over losing you and get my life back on track. But you know, my grief is a part of my life. It's a part of me just like you were a part of me. I will never forget you, I can't! My pain and heartache will go away eventually, but I need to deal with it in my own time and not on someone else's time.
I do go to talk to doctor's when I am feeling low and down in the dumps, but I never keep the follow up appointments because afterward I feel so much better. But I do believe that you were here for a reason if only for a moment. The fact that it's been seven months is just another way of showing me that time passes by. I still feel so hurt for all the stuff that was said while I was pregnant with you. From your dad saying your weren't his son, to his NEW girlfriend telling everyone the same thing, I am hurt. I am hurt because I lost you and all the apologies in the world will never bring you back. NO one had any right talking about you, because they didn't know. She wasn't there!!!! Your dad can apologize to me all he wants but in reality he really needed to apologize to you. But it's too late to do that.
Cylas please be close to me and your sissy today! Let us feel your angel hugs and heavenly kisses!!!
You are my Sunshine
5 years ago