JUST LETTIN' YOU KNOW

Cylas,

I think momma is falling in love again, I guess that's what you could call it, but who knows. It's a surprising feeling, one that I thought I would never feel again, but on the other hand it's very terrifying. No worries though, it's still in the early stages, it's almost like a new car, you know you have to get a feel of the car before you know if you like it or not. I'm attracted to him, I mean he got my attention from the get go but things are moving slowly right now. I've only had a couple conversations wtih him and then there are the occasional "hello's" and smiles that we share. We are still getting to know each other.

I think I can honestly say I am scared to death. I thought I didn't want another relationship. I thought that I had convinced myself that I was better off alone, well you know, just me and the girls. I definitely don't want to get hurt again. I have days that I want this to work and then I have days when I have a lot of doubt about the whole thing. I plan on taking it day by day.

This guy goes to Nan's church, he's really nice, he's 36 and has a steady job. Actually he's an electrician and I plan on getting him to help me when I get in the house. He's offered to hook up my security lights that are on the corner's of the house and to check my outlets to make sure they work and are hooked up. I don't know if he know's I like him but right now I'm just keeping this to myself. Your cousin Earl is anxious for something to happen. He said that he knows J is better than the Ex, which is the truth, for now.

So for now I can't say where this will lead. And I'm kind of glad it is moving slowly because there are a few goals I want to reach before I bring a man into my crazy life. I want to have a home and I want you and the girls to have a home. That's been the biggest obstacle thus far and it's getting so close to happening. I also need to learn more about J. I want to make sure he's not crazy and I want to make sure he likes kids. That's another big worry that I have. I keep thinking about that question and running it over and over through my mind. I keep thinking about the numerous things he could say or the things he couldn't or wouldn't say. I am worried that the girls might actually scare him off. And I guess that's why I remain unsure about this.

I don't know why I came here and wrote to you about it. I guess I kind of figured you might know something I don't know. I would like to ask you to help me out, send me some kind of sign that would resemble a yay or a nay!! Does that sound crazy???

Mom