1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention Cylas. The truth is just because you may never seen him doesn't mean he doesn't deserve your recognition.
2. I wish that if we did talk about Cylas and I cried you didn't think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning him. The truth is I need to (and often want to) cry and talk about Cylas with you. Crying and emotional outbursts help me heal.
3. I wish that you could talk about Cylas more than once. The truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven't forgotten him and that you do care and understand.
4. I wish you wouldn't think that I don't want to talk about Cylas. The truth is I love him and need to talk about him.
5. I wish you could tell me you are sorry Cylas has died and that you are thinking of me. The truth is that it tells me you care.
6. I wish you wouldn't think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is the memory of Cylas Mychal, the love I feel for him, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for him are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too but please understand that it's not all like that.
7. I wish you wouldn't pretend that Cylas never existed. The truth is we both know I had him growing inside me for 9 months.
8. I wish you wouldn't judge me because I am not acting the way you think I should be. The truth is grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently.
9. I wish you wouldn't think if I have a good day I'm "over it" or if I have a bad day that I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is there is no "normal" way for me to act and I will never be "over it".
10. I wish you wouldn't stay away from me. The truth is loosing Cylas doesn't mean I'm contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and at fault for something I had no control over.
11. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be "over and done with" in a few weeks, months, years or ever for that matter. The truth is it may get easier with time but I will never be "over" this.
12. I wish you would think of Cylas as a baby and and not just a neo-natal death. The truth is he was a human life. He had a soul, heart, body, legs, arms, a face and a unique personality. I have seen my baby's body and face, I have heard him cry. My baby was a real person.
13.Cylas' due date, his birthday, the day he died and Mothers Day, are all important and sad days for me. The truth is I wish you could tell me by words or by letter that you are thinking of me (and Cylas) on these days.
14. I wish you understood that losing Cylas has changed me. The truth is I am not the same person I was before nor will I ever be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to ""normal" you will stay frustrated and continue waiting. I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, beliefs, and values. Please try to get to know the new "me"-maybe you'll still like me.
15. I wish you wouldn't tell me that I can have other babies. The truth is I want the baby I lost and no other baby can replace Cylas Mychal. Babies aren't interchangeable.
16. I wish you wouldn't feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about Cylas or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is it's not fair to make me feel uncomfortable just because you are, I'm dealing with enough as it is.
17. I wish you wouldn't think that you should keep away because all my friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone thinks the same thing and I am often left with no one.
18. I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women is uncomfortable for me. The truth is I feel jealous, angry and sad.
19. I wish you wouldn't say that everything happens for a reason. The truth is as far as I'm concerned no explanation would or could ever be good enough to justify that fact that Cylas is gone.
20. I wish you would understand what you are really saying when you say "the next baby will be fine". The truth is how do you know? Can you gauruntee that my next baby will be healthy? What will you say if it happens to me again?
*adapted and edited from
Rainbow Over my Broken Road Thank you Kristi.*
1 comment:
I hit the "next blog" a few times (had to re-hit it quickly once as it was inappropriate. Stopped by yours.
I had to copy and save your 20 Thinks To Remember. Sounds like you demonstrated their Truth again on April 7th with your daughter.
I'm a sidewalk counselor outside abortion mills and my heart aches for women losing such young children as your boy in any way. I fail miserably but to try to help the young women think one more time about their different kind of decision so that they wont later go through some of what you're experiencing. Like my wife, women nowadays are rightly encouraged to always mention these young children when folks ask "how many children do you have?" (she had a miscarriage). She says 4, one in heaven. I hope society will encourage the post-abortive mothers to claim their child as well - a child is a child, no matter how small. Your boy certainly does have big cheeks! Bigger to smile with when he greets you next to Jesus some day. Amazing to think he knows more than you right now, being up there - it's great to ask him to pray for you while you don't have time to pray yourself.
There is a beautiful song on youtube that was maybe written for, but certainly reminds me of a religious leader I loved deeply, but more it frees me to think of one far greater than he. I will add the link here - you may be of a different faith, so maybe don't look at the video, just enjoy the refrain of the song about Jesus. I think it will bring you closer to Him and even Cylas (though I don't know that for sure).
God's blessed you, with him, changed your entire life, with him, and you only had him for 9 months and two weeks! Only God could do that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tYFaQYfZzU
There are full english versions also.
Post a Comment