*This morning I received a phone call, I've learned from past experiences that if it's an early morning call then it's bad news. The call was coming from a cousin of mine. She was calling to let me know that another cousin of ours had passed away due to a drug overdose. He leaves behind two young boys, a brother, and his mom. Right now I am torn between my feelings. I am devastated about his passing, but I am also numb because I haven't spoken to him in over a year. The relationship between my family and the rest of my dad's family has always been strained and that's putting it lightly. Most of my dad's family didn't even attend the funeral or call during my time of sorrow. I still feel as if Cylas didn't matter to them. It definitely hurts.
*I've also had some health issues that started not long after Cylas died. I think that I'm doing good. I'm no longer crying every day, I'm not wanting to hide under a rock, and I'm actually trying to find my "normal'. But it appears that my body is suffering the consequences instead of my mind, heart, & soul. I've got wacky numbers coming back on my liver test. I've been told NOT to drink alcohol and not to take tylenol. I've got a high white blood cell count, I'm taking iron pills along with vitamin C pills. I'm on diabetic medication. The doctors and I can't seem to keep my sugar down. I've got to stay alive for my two kids here on earth. I can only pray and ask God for his healing power and his strength to see me through.
*I worry about Teela. She is a beautiful little girl and she has lit up my life. But the fact of the matter is, her mom took drugs while she was pregnant with her and I am having to watch for possible disabilities. She will be evaluated today and then again on June 11th to see if she is eligible to receive help from the Hope Center program here in Cherokee. I just try my best to let her know that she is loved and she's wanted.
*Prairie is growing daily. She's also the light of my life. She's my reason for living. Well, soon she'll be in kindergarten, and I can't believe it. She's growing up so fast. I am taking her to Dollywood this weekend, depending on what happens with my cousins arrangments. She is so excited about the trip. Usually she doesn't like to go away from home but this time she's ready to go. I'll probably buy her some new clothes and shoes.
*And of course, I am always missing my boy. I love him with all my heart and wish he was still here. I will spend a lifetime missing him and sending my love to him in heaven.