I've stated many times how I hate special occasions that come up. I hate them because you are not here to enjoy them. I try my best to make sure your sister doesn't get left out because of my feelings. I know that life must go on no matter how hard it may be. Valentine's just doesn't mean what it used to. I have no reason to celebrate it. I don't have a SO and I don't have my little boy, so what's the use, KWIM? Iwodi loves each holiday and I wish that I could be the same way. Now that Valentines is over, next is your sister's 5th birthday. It's not until the end of March, but I like to plan early. This will be the second birthday you've missed. All of the things you are missing, it doesn't seem fair.
I know that you have the perfect home in heaven. I know that you are not in pain. I know that you want for nothing. I know that you feel how much you are loved. I know that you hear our thoughts. I know that you watch over us. I know that you send us angel kisses every night. I know that you visit whenever you can. And even though I know all this I still miss you so, so much. Knowing this doesn't bring much comfort, and I don't know if it ever will. All I know is that I want you back. I want you here with me. I want the huge hole in my heart to disappear. It's not fair for you to miss all the birthdays and special occasions. I want to hold you and tell you that I love you, instead of screaming it out in the darkness.
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, CYLAS!! Mommy and Iwodi love you and miss you!!!