The meeting on Friday with the lawyer went ok. I still hated to hear what he had to say. It didn't make the process any easier. I was told that there was a possibility that you had necrotizing facilitis (flesh-eating infection). That was one of the hardest things that I've had to hear, to know that you could have such a infection tore my heart apart. You suffered so much those last four days and to know that you could have been in even more pain just tears me to peices. I would have done anything to keep you from hurting but yet that want was so far out of reach. Not only did I hear about the infection, but it's up to the lawyer to find out what kind of saline was given to you after it was moved from 20 cc's to 75 cc's. Was it D-5 or was it just plain saline? If it was D-5 then we have a problem because that the reason for your complete organ failure. You were overdosed on potassium. And then the big and hardest question that needs to be answered is if you would have survived anyway, even if the hospital treated you with the best medicine money can buy? In my heart I know that answer. I know that I wanted you to survive. I wanted you to get better and come home to me and your sister. I wanted you here.The lawyer left me with 3 choices: 1) find another law firm that advances money, 2) have a meeting with the risk management team at the hospital and tell them about our findings and what we intend to do (it would be settled out of court and we would be awarded less money), or 3) Try to raise an INSANE amount of money. As crazy as it sounds I am not ready to give up on this fight. I want to do what is right for you and in your honor. I want to make sure I like hell to make sure I get some answers. I am going to start raising that insane about of money and I will have to start soon!! I know that whatever I do here on earth will never be enough. I know that it will never bring you back, but I want you to know that your mommy will do whatever it takes to fight this hospital and the doctors who were responsible for your care. The medical expert truly believes that these doctors dropped the ball when it came to you. She stated that these doctors definitely could have treated you with success. Where will the money come from? I have no idea. How will I raise this money? I don't know. Can it be done? Yes, it can. I will stop at nothing to do what's right.
I keep thinking that somewhere down the road we might have to exhume (sp ?) your little body and get an autopsy done. Even though an autopsy never answered questions fully and completely, it still might be able to pin point the answers to some of these questions. I wouldn't be there to see you ripped from your final resting place, I couldn't be there, but in the future it might be my only option. My family tells me that I should have had one done right after you died but they don't know what was going through my mind. I couldn't keep you from all the pain you went through before you died and I sure as hell didn't want to cut up your body in death. I know what happens during an autopsy and I just couldn't put my sweet, innocent boy through such a thing. It was the one thing I did have control over.
Then sitting there listening to your Gma and "dad" express their anger. I just rolled my eyes. Your Gma was talking about being a christian and all I could think was "what a freaking hypocrit!!! She lets her son live in sin with his own cousin, and she gets rid of her husband and moves another man in." I didn't need to hear anything about how good of a christian she is. And I may need to ask for forgiveness for thinking like this, but how am I suppose to feel. If it were me out there doing the exact thing they would be trying to take away your sister because I wasn't living the way they think I should. I know for a fact they're just waiting for me to slip up, well guess what, it's not going to happen. Your sister is the most important person in my life, she's all I have, and I will never jeopardize her life. I love you and Prairie so much. And I don't you or her to ever forget that.
Cylas, I will try my best to find out all the answers to these questions. I will try my best to get some answers, good or bad. I will stop at nothing to have this case go to court and make these people pay for taking you away from me.
Mommy
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