Today was angelvarsary #45 for you Cylas!! And it was also the day to remember all babies gone too soon! Before I lost you I was ignorant to that part of the world around me. I didn't think I could or would lose a child and now my eyes have been open to a world of grief and unconditional love. I have met so many women who know the same grief that I do. They don't ever judge me or tell me that I need to move on or get over it. And that makes it feel so good. I know that your in a better place and I know that I will see you again someday but that doesn't ease the pain that I feel in my heart and it doesn't fill my empty arms. My life will never be the same. I will never view a pregnancy in the same way. I will never believe that a baby is safe after 13 weeks. That reality has been forever changed for me.
So today as I remember you with love I also sit here and remember all the friends that you have up there heaven. I remember Jack, Olive Lucy, Alexandria, Tristan. Chase, Blayze, Cadeau, Conner, Austin, Jay, Pierce, Dylan. Valentina, Little Bee, Reese, Layla, Cora, and there are many others that I can't remember but I hold each of them and their families in my heart. They have become a part of me because I have become friends with their parents. We share this burden together! We carry each other in our hearts. And we support each other through all the ups and downs!!
Cylas you have been remembered by so many people today. I hope you can feel the love that has been sent up to you on angel wings!! You have not been forgotten and that is a great accomplishment on my part. I refuse to let you be forgotten. I refuse to stop being your mommy!! I love you and carry you in my heart, today and tomorrow, and forever until we meet again!!
I LOVE YOU, CYLAS MYCHAL!!!!
You are my Sunshine
5 years ago