My weekend hasn't been the greatest. I've been worried about Teela. She's your cousin and was born a day before your birthday. I kept her one night in January when her mom was beat up by her boyfriend and I fell in love with her. She's so precious and innocent!! Well now, it seems that her mom has decided to sign Teela and Shine over to their grandma. This has really bothered me since Friday. I just don't understand how Teela's mom could be so irresponsible. She doesn't understand how lucky she is to have two healthy children in her life. Here I am, wishing that I could hold you just one more time. I would give anything to have you back and there she is giving her kids away. I would love for Teela to come live with me and your sister. I would give all my love to Teela and she deserves to be loved. My heart is torn in so many directions right now. I want to do the right thing by you and I want to protect Teela, too!
I am thinking about asking Teela's mom to sign her over to me for good. I still have so much love to give and I long to have another child but with my current situation that's not going to happen. I know that you wouldn't mind if mommy got a new baby to love. Teela needs to have somebody love her and take care of her. I took care of you the best way I knew how and I was there for you right up until you left me. I just don't know how to go about asking this mother for her child. I don't know if it would be appreciated or IF it would make her realize that she needs to get her life in order. Cylas, I am not in no way trying to replace you or forget about you, but my heart is telling me that I can make a difference in this child's life. My heart is telling me to look through my grief and open up to another child who needs me just as much.
I only want to make you happy. I want you to be proud of your mom. I know there have been so many times before when I've probably let you down. I know that you want to go play and have fun with all your new friends but you can't because you worry about me. I will always love you. You are forever my child and I am thankful for what little time we had. I just hope that God will help me out. (God, I only want to give Teela the home that she'll probably never get if she stay with her mom. I want her to be safe and feel loved. God, please help me find the strength to ask Teela's mom if she would let me take care of Teela. )
Cylas, I know that you already have so much to do, but please watch over Teela and her brother Shine. Keep them safe until something can be figured out. Give me a sign letting me know that your alright with me getting Teela. All of this is still up in the air, but I am praying about it and I know that I could be a good substitute mom for Teela.