Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be the same person I used to be. Sometimes I think of myself as being bitter! The Bitterness comes from having to deal with a cheating Husband and then divorcing him 11 days before your birth. And then also the painful loss of you. Sometimes I just don't understand what I did wrong? Why did you have to leave me? Did I do something to make God angry? I don't know if anyone can answer these questions. But losing you has been the hardest thing I've had to go through in my life. I never wanted to lose a child, especially not one that I wanted so badly. I've had one miscarriage, that pregnancy was a surprise, but I wanted that baby too! I was in the pit for a while after that. I wanted to blame it on the whole world! But then just 6 months later I was pregnant again with your sister, and all my pain from that miscarriage was gone. So is that the answer to my questions, do I need to try and have another baby? Will that ease my pain? Don't know about that, but all I want is you. I want my Cylas back, that's all I know in my heart. I will always miss you for the rest of my life! There is always going to be someone missing. I will always know that I should have a handsome son by my side right along with his beautiful sister!!
So I don't know if I will get over losing you. A part of me longs for that closeness and another part of me is relieved that you don't have to suffer anymore. You were in pain and the doctors did nothing to help you, they let you get worse and they even helped you along!!!!! I am still waiting on a response from the lawyer, and I really hope and pray that those doctors can be held liable for your death!! I want to have someone to blame other than myself!!! You were taken from me, and I'll never know the reason!
"Godspeed, Sweet Dreams. Little Man!"