Your momma has been busy!! But I think I'm finally getting a break. My Phlebotomy class ended last night. I made a 94 on the Final Exam and a 97 for the class as a whole. I finish up my clinical on the 30th and then I think I'm done with school for a little while. I still haven't decided if I want to move from my current job or stay with it a little longer. I guess I will have to pray about it and see where my road leads. I've just been super busy but it's a good kind of busy.
With the 15th and 24th passing by, you have been on my mind too. Thinking about how long you've been gone and how old you are. It's always on my mind. The "what might have been's" and "what if's". Your sister enjoyed her birthday and now has a new pet. It's a baby chick we call "Cullen"! She's being very responsible and taking good care of him. He's a weird little chick. He only eats Cheerios!!! But he's growing like a weed. And T is doing good. She has a cold right now but other than that she is growing like a weed and giving some grief here and there. I can't imagine what my life would be like if you were all together. I would have my hands full that's for sure.
Been having some issues with your nana. She likes to under mind me on my parenting skills and it really bugs me. I just wish I had her full support and she didn't go behind my back making me sound bad. I think I'm a good mom and I do the best that I can with what I've got. It's not easy being a single parent and I do wish I had some back up when it comes to a "father" figure. I miss the conversations that could be taking place and I miss the support. J and I are still "together" but it's a little bit complicated since he doesn't really know what he wants from one moment to the next. And it's not like I have a ton of men knocking down my door vying for my attention. I don't want to grow old alone and I don't want to be single the rest of my life. I would like to find a good man to stand beside me, love me and share my life. J is a good man but he tends to be harder on himself then he needs to be. I can't convince him or make him see it any other way. That will have to come from him. But I do love him and I am constantly praying about our relationship.
I love and miss you Cylas. Time passes by so fast. It doesn't even seem like 4 1/2 years have come and gone since I last held you my arms. It all still feels like yesterday. I think about you all time and I wonder what kind of little boy you would have been. I can see you being mean and rough housing it with your sisters, probably making them cry, LOL!!! And all I could say is that's my boy!!! I still carry around some guilt but it's not as bad as it used to be. I'm dealing with it a little better. I still cry when I'm alone and I still dread holidays and I still have a hard time on your birthday. Those are the days I just want to hide under a rock and never come back out. We took some new flowers to your grave. And soon it will be time for some more. We have a turtle that we forgot in my car so it's a constant reminder that we need to go visit you again. I hope that you know your sisters and I love you very much. T talks about you more now and she knows your an angel and your in heaven but it's just nice to know that you are not forgotten!!!! She likes to find your star and let me know that it's still shining bright. So we are doing good. We have our mother, daughter moments and then we get on with our day.
Always sending you Love, Heavenly kisses & Angel hugs,
You are my Sunshine
5 years ago