Hey, son, this visit is a little late and I apologize for that. For some reason this birthday has been extremely hard! I can't explain why but it just is. I'm really hard on myself this time around. I haven't had a chance to go put your flower's on your grave and I didn't get a chance to buy you any toys. I know your angelvarsary is coming up next month and all I feel is dread!! I dread January as much as I dread December. I will make my way to see you I promise you that. I can't believe you are 4 years old. Just thinking about missing out on 4 years of your life blows my mind. I feel so robbed!!! Robbed of precious moments and times with you. I miss the hugs and kisses I could be receiving from you and I miss the sibling rivalry that I know would exist between you and your sisters!! I just miss you all together!! You are my baby boy and you mean the world to me!!
I hope you enjoyed your balloons! We sent you 30 of them and I hope you shared with all your angel friends too! Your sisters and a friend helped get your balloons ready. Before we let them go we sang "Happy Birthday" to you!! It was a real sweet moment. Always nice to share you with family and friends. We ate some ice cream cake in honor of you and T's birthdays. That's always good!! The wish lanterns didn't do as good. There needed to be more wind!! :( I'll post pictures later. I'm posting from my phone and its kind of difficult to post from a phone.
Cylas you are always on my mind. I'm always wondering what I'm missing out on. I hate it when someone tells me to move on or get over it, Excuse me, but he's my son. I carried him in my womb, I felt his first moments, that's a bond that goes unbroken whether he's here or not. I LOVE YOU, CYLAS MYCHAL!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY my precious little boy!!!!
You are my Sunshine
5 years ago