OCTOBER 15TH

October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in the United States. More than 25,000 children are stillborn in the United States every year leaving mothers, entire families and communities devastated. Estimates of the rate of occurrence of stillbirth make it at least as common as autism.Stillbirth is not an intractable problem. Greater research would likely significantly reduce its incidence, but good research requires good data. H.R. 5979: Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act is under consideration by Congress. This proposed bill would standardize stillbirth investigation and diagnosis, thus providing more data for the needed research. Better research means fewer children born still.On October 15th, remember the thousands of unfinished children lost and the families who remain to grieve them. Honor them by taking action. Let's help pass H.R. 5979.

You've Been In Heaven for Nine Months

You've been in heaven for nine months, my son.

Nine months seems like a long time compared to my 3 weeks.

Three weeks of joy and happiness.

You've been in heaven for nine months, my son.

Wow, it doesn't even seem that far away.

I feel like it's only been a dream.

You've been in heaven for nine months, my son.

All I've done is miss you and cry for you.

I only want you back in my life.

It's been nine months since I had to say goodbye.

Something that I never imagined I would have to do.

Each day I think of you and wonder if you're watching over me.

I miss you and your sister misses you.

Nine months and it seems like an eternity.

I will continue to carry you in my heart forever.

You've been gone nine months, my son.

Mommy

This was posted by Karry

Once upon a special day...
In heaven up above...
The tiniest souls sat at God's feet...
Surrounded by his love...
The time was coming...
very soon...God said...
'Do not be scared'...
Your family awaits your arrival...
Now let us get prepared...
And so... God looked upon these souls...
In mute consideration...
He knew the life each one would live...
He weighed each situation...
The souls chatted amongst themselves...
And wondered who they'd be...
They knew the day grew closer...soon...
They'd meet their family.
'How would you like to change the world'?
God asked each soul in fun...
'The chance to make a difference'...
Is held by only one.
I'm going to make the world laugh...
One soul said with a smile...
For laughter heals a broken heart...
And helps us through each trial...
Then take with you the brightest smile...
And share your laughter well...
The soul thanked God immensly...
And down to earth he fell.
'And I'll remind the world to sing...
A sweet little soul told the Lord...
I have the gift of a beautiful voice...
I can hit every note...every chord.
You'll have the gift of music then...
A voice...lovely and strong...
Share your gift with others...
And let them hear your song.
I will show compassion....
The next little soul raised his hand...
Some people only need a friend...
Someone to understand.
Compassion is a good thing...
God said with much delight...
To you... I will give mercy...
You'll perceive wrong from right.
And so each soul...shared every thought...
Their plans, their hopes, their dreams...
As God explained that life...it is...
Much harder than it seems.
And as each soul began to leave...
In a scurry of laughter and fun...
Heaven became quiet...Left...
was only one.
Come sit with me my little child...
God said with just a sigh...
Do you know how many you will touch...
In a world left wondering why?
From the moment that your life begins...
You... will know of strife...
But you'll teach those who know you...
To cherish the small things in life.
And some may only know you...
Through a simple photograph...
They'll never hold you in their arms...
Or memorize your laugh...
Some may only know you...
through the words they read each day...
But you'll do something wonderful...
You'll make them stop...to pray.
The tiniest soul...raised her head up...
To touch God's firm, strong hand...Father...
I am ready for...The life...that you have planned.
And I will do the best I can...
Without a word or deed...For you Lord..
are the planter...And I will be your seed.
She could already hear many praying...
And although they had not seen her face...
They were praying for her safe arrival...
They were asking for mercy and grace.
What talent do I leave with Lord?
What gift do you impart?
All that you will need God said...
I've placed within your heart.
And so God kissed this tiny child...
Knowing all that she would be...
And whispered as he watched her go...
You'll teach them...to see me.

By Stephanie Husted
(I hope it's ok for me to post this on my blog. It's very touching.)

Why Can't you come back?

Cylas, why can't you come back? That seems to be the million dollar question on everyone's mind. I want you back! Your sister wants you back! Your Nan & Pops wants you back! Your Uncle wants you back! Everyone wants you back!!! I would do anything to bring you back. My whole life I wanted to have a son. I don't exactly know why I wanted a son, but I just knew that I would get my boy one day. When I was pregnant with your sister, I just knew that I was carrying a boy, but your Nan knew better. She knew that I was getting my little princess first. Your sister acts just like me, she doesn't look like me, but she has my attitude and my OMG the fact that she doesn't have any patience isn't surprising either!!! Then when I found out you were a boy I couldn't wait until I could hold you in my arms, count your fingers and toes, run my fingers through your thick dark hair, & fall in love with you. I was worried that I couldn't love you as much as I loved your sister or that I would have a hard time taking care of both of you. I often say that your sister makes up for six children all by herself. I find myself thinking about what it would be like to have you here. I wonder if I would be doing this or watching this if you were here. Would you get along with your sister or would be just one big fight for my attention from day to day? I would love to see if you still looked like your "dad" or if your appearance has changed. I wouldn't want you to lose your chubby cheeks, I loved those!!

I would do whatever I had to do to get you back in my arms. I want both my kids to be happy and the crazy thing about that is that I know your happy. You have alot of angel friends in Heaven and I know that you enjoy playing with them. I know that you probably wouldn't want to come back if even we begged for 10 million years you'd never come back because of what you have. The hardest thing I've had to do is let you go. I didn't want to let you go, but it wasn't meant for you to stay. I worry about your sister. She wants so badly to bring you back. I've told her that I don't have that kind of magic. I told her that you took it all with you but she still has Stripes, the magic tiger. If we could only have one more day with you I would take pictures of you and your sister together, I would take pictures of you by yourself, I would look into those deep dark eyes, and I would continually count your fingers and toes. I would make sure that I held you tight and I would tell you I love you a million times. I would let your sister hold you as much as possible and I wouldn't worry about you getting spoiled. I would try to fit in as much as possible if you would only come back. I want to hear your belly laugh, I can just imagine how it would sound. And even though I don't like to hear you cry, I would let you cry for just a moment so that the sound of your laughter and cry would be imbedded in my memory forever.

I miss you and I want you in my life. I want you back! Your sister wants you back!

Mommy

Fair Week

(The picture I've included is your Cousin Kara wearing her crown.)Today will start a week of activities for the young and old. Our annual Cherokee Fair is starting today and will kick off with a parade at 4 pm. Today and this week will be another reason for me to miss you. You should be here with your mommy and sister to enjoy your first Fair. I could have probably entered you into the baby crawling contest, too!! Last year at this time I was pregnant with you and I was miserable. I didn't feel like walking around but I had to because your sister still wanted to go and ride some rides. Tonight your cousin, Kara, will have to give up her crown as Miss Cherokee. She has won all four crowns and tonight someone else will wear it. Your sissy will have to dress up in her dance outfit and be a part of Kara's program tonight. I really hope I can get her to cooperate.

Prairie went to Counseling and made a picture for you. Everything on it was you. She made sure to have your name on it so no one would think it was theirs. I don't know if she truly opens up about how much she misses you, but I know that in her little heart there is alot a pain and it's a sister missing her baby brother. I try to help her as much as I can, but I know that she'll have to deal with it in her own way, just like I have to. We miss you and we only want you back, but that is a major wish that will NEVER come true.

So, we'll go to the fair this year and we won't have you.

Mommy

Halloween is Coming

As I prepare for Halloween and start looking for your sister's costume she's requested, I can't help but think about what your costume might be like. I see a lion, a bear, a elephant, a monkey, and a pumpkin and I keep thinking, "man, Cylas would be so cute in any of those costumes." Then I fill my eyes tearing up and immediately start working on something else. I know that these next three (Halloween, Thanksgiving, & Christmas (including your 1st birthday)) occasions are going to be hard for me on so many levels. These are all occasions that you should be here for. Last year at this time I was pregnant with you so in a way you were here for them and now your're not. You have been gone for 8 1/2 months and it still seems like all this happened yesterday. Sometimes I don't know how I will ever move past this pain and heartache I feel. You are on my mind every single day and I don't know how to start re-building my life without you.

I've never had so much pain in my life and I never imagined that I would lose a child. I always thought that this kind of stuff happened to other people, and not me. I didn't think I was above other people, but I felt blessed to have my daughter and then I was blessed again with you. I just knew that if I loved you with all my heart and soul then you would be allowed to stay. I knew that if God knew how much I loved you, then he would say "yep, I picked the right mother for this child, and he is loved." But in the end even my love wasn't enough to keep you here. I still lost you!

Halloween will be harder this year, but I know that I can make through, I mean, I have to, for your sister's sake. By the way, she wants to be a mermaid and I am keeping my fingers crossed that she won't change her mind at the last minute. You will never be too far from our minds. Each night your sister tells you good night and that she loves and misses you. I will try my best to keep your memory alive for her. I want her to always think about her baby brother, and she's lucky because she only has good memories, whereas, I have both the good and the bad.

Thinking of you today, carrying you in my heart forever!!

Mommy

(The monkey would have been my pick, hope you like the visual)

WAS THAT YOU?

Yesterday at work my day ended in a very special way, only a way that must have come from you. Around 2 o'clock I noticed a Ta-la-du (cricket) had found it's way into my office. I asked the cricket to be careful, I didn't want it to get stomped or anything, and it went to hide. Your big sister, Prairie, comes up everyday and as soon as she arrived the cricket came out of hiding. Prairie immediately ran to the cricket and said "hey, Cylas!" Then she attempted to pick it up and to my amazement, the cricket didn't jump away and let her pick it up. She carried it around for about 15 minutes, putting it down from time to time, but it didn't try to jump away or nothing. The cricket stayed by her side. She would talk to the cricket and was very gentle with it and she just knew that it was you. I don't like crawling things so I didn't hold the cricket, but even I found myself talking to the cricket as if it could understand what I was saying. When it came time to go, Prairie wanted to take the cricket and I wouldn't let her, mainly because we didn't have anything to keep it in. She was very disappointed and I think the cricket was too! Because when we left and I was locking the door it was sitting there not moving, almost as if it was saying "what about me?"

The reason why we BOTH say it was you is because your indian name is Ta-la-du, which means cricket in our Cherokee Language. So anytime we see a cricket we think that it's you, our precious Cylas, visiting. Of course this only makes us miss you more, but it also helps us to know that you visited and haven't forgotten about us, either. As you know your sister has a rough time recently, so your visit meant the world to her. I know that holding a cricket in no way replaces you, but it makes her feel like she's magic and even though your gone it's her way of knowing that you will never be too far away.

So Cylas, thank you so much for making your sister feel so special! She really needed that.

Love,

Mommy