SO HEARTBROKEN.........AGAIN

It seems like lately I've been everyone's punching bag. And it's totally unfair. Your sperm donor welcomed a new bouncing baby BOY into the world over the weekend and I'm not doing cartwheels or feeling the baby joy!! Guess what this new baby's name is.......bet you can't guess.......it's Channing MYKAL Toineeta!! Yeah, him and baby mama had the nerve to use Mychal (spelled differently)!!! He denied this baby too!!!! He hasn't changed much......he's still a big JERK!!!! I heard they used MYCHAL because it's in honor of you, yeah WHATEVER!!! You can't honor a child that you didn't claim in the first place. It's an insult to your memory and it breaks my heart that he feels he has to do this. If he's feeling guilt about what happened, it's too little, too late!!!!

I am so very angry and mad right now. But I know there isn't nothing I can do. I'm going to have to grin and bare it. J told me not to let it get to me but that's very hard to do. When I was pregnant with you he didn't want nothing to do with you, he didn't stay with you at the hospital, and the only time he was around was when it made him look good, when it made him look like he was suffering!!!! He was putting on a show and that's what he's doing now. He's going to rub it in my face and all I want to do to is punch him in the face.

He didn't deserve a new baby boy. He had one and you were treated like trash!! I loved you, I took care of you, I was there for you, & I am your mother and father. If you were alive I would hold those two roles with grace and plenty of love!!! He just sucks!!!

I want to find a hiding place and just cry myself to sleep. All my feelings of loss are coming back. I just want you!!!!