Saying a Prayer

Last night Prairie was saying her prayer. She usually prays nightly for her family and even her grandma's dog Stewy. She ends her prayer by asking God to let Cylas know that she misses him and loves him. Well last night she ended it almost the same way, but for her, this was very sweet. After praying for me and everyone else, she paused for a moment and then she said "God, please with all the mommies who have lost their babies, just like me and my mom." I just about lost it, but I was able to hold it together. (She also prayed for her grandma's dog. She told God to watch over Stewy because he had the squirts! It was very cute and unexpected.)

Once she finished praying she asked me if her prayer was good, and I told her it was great. I had tears in my eyes and I gave her a big hug and told her that she was very sweet to remember the other mommies. I've never tried to hide death from her. She's experienced it and it's something that I don't want her to be scared of. She's going to be five in March and her understanding of death is surprising. Death is something that no five year old should know about. She remembers me telling her that her brother went to sleep and she remembers looking at him in his casket. It's been hard for her and sometimes I don't know how to make her feel better. I am at a loss for words most of the time. But I am happy that she talks about Cylas. The one thing I didn't want was to make her feel uncomfortable about mentioning his name. Yes it's hard, but it helps with the healing process.

She's been missing her brother and her all her dogs that she's lost. Last night she said "mom, I miss Cylas and all of my dogs. I just wish they could all come back." When Prairie hurts, I hurt. I only hope that I am doing my best with her. I don't want her growing up thinking that her mom doesn't care about her feelings, KWIM?

(Cylas, I hope that God gives you your messages from Prairie. Please stay with her always, I think sometimes she needs you more than I do.)

XOXOXO

Mommy