On Saturday, your sister and I celebrated Valentine's Day. I've always ordered her a stuffed animal with some balloons, but this year I didn't since it fell on a Saturday. Instead, I took her to Build-A-Bear in Asheville and she picked out a pink bear with flowers all over it. We stuffed it and picked out clothes. Your sister named her new bear Flower. She also wanted to build you one, but we just don't have the space to properly display your things. Once we get our new house I promise you will have a special place for your stuff. I've stated many times how I hate special occasions that come up. I hate them because you are not here to enjoy them. I try my best to make sure your sister doesn't get left out because of my feelings. I know that life must go on no matter how hard it may be. Valentine's just doesn't mean what it used to. I have no reason to celebrate it. I don't have a SO and I don't have my little boy, so what's the use, KWIM? Iwodi loves each holiday and I wish that I could be the same way. Now that Valentines is over, next is your sister's 5th birthday. It's not until the end of March, but I like to plan early. This will be the second birthday you've missed. All of the things you are missing, it doesn't seem fair.
I know that you have the perfect home in heaven. I know that you are not in pain. I know that you want for nothing. I know that you feel how much you are loved. I know that you hear our thoughts. I know that you watch over us. I know that you send us angel kisses every night. I know that you visit whenever you can. And even though I know all this I still miss you so, so much. Knowing this doesn't bring much comfort, and I don't know if it ever will. All I know is that I want you back. I want you here with me. I want the huge hole in my heart to disappear. It's not fair for you to miss all the birthdays and special occasions. I want to hold you and tell you that I love you, instead of screaming it out in the darkness.
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, CYLAS!! Mommy and Iwodi love you and miss you!!!
Love,
Mommy
Oh honey! You have GOT to take it easier on yourself. You need to take a bubble bath, eat some chocolate, pamper YOU!
ReplyDeleteIt does get easier. I have been in a VERY similar situation. It's only been a year and a few months, but it's already easier.
I pray for you, and I hope you can find a reason to smile today.
Love Lindsay