We did it together

On Tuesday night, your sister and I wrapped the gift that we was going to donate in your memory. I didn't intend on letting her help me, because I didn't think she would. But as soon as she seen what I was doing she wanted to help. While we wrapped the gift she kept asking me questions: Whose gift is this? Why are you wrapping it? What does donate mean? I explained to your sister that the gift was for another little boy about the same age as you. I told her that the gift didn't have to be wrapped, but I also remember how anxious I was to watch my children tear open their Christmas gifts and I didn't want to take that away from this child, either. Then I had to answer the question about donate and I didn't know how to answer it. After a short time, I told Prairie that we were donating a gift because we couldn't buy anything for you. I told her that it would donated in your memory and that there are other children out there who don't have a lot of toys. She seemed to understand that explanation. Once we were finished, she grabbed the gift and gave it a kiss. She said "in memory of my brother, huh, mom." And I said yes.

I've decided that this will probably be something we do every year in honor of you. I know that there are so many things I want to do, but I can't. If I were a millionaire I would do so much more. I am also hoping that by doing this it would be something that Prairie would do when she was older too!!

I've been doing so much better. I didn't go to the doctor for my anxiety because I haven't had any attacks lately. I've been reading. I am on the last book in the Twilight series and I've really gotten into them. I've even been dreaming about the book and the movie. I started reading to relieve my stress level and to ease my mind. Surprisingly it has helped. I still miss you and I still think about you all the time, but it not as hard. But that's just it, I don't know how long this will last. I don't know how long I can stay calm without totally freaking out.

I also smelled this sweet scent in my room this morning before I completely woke up, was it you? If it was, thank you for visiting.

Love,

Mommy