GROWING UP

Here are some recent pictures of your sisters, Cylas. They are growing up on us!! The picture on top is T goofing off (she does this at every photo session & has to have at least one or two goofy pictures in the mix). Iwodi will be 10 next month.........I mean really 10!!! I can't get over how much she has grown. She has a gentle heart. I love all 3 of you with all my heart!!

Please continue watching over these two crazy girls.......they love and miss you so much!!!!

Love you little man,
MOMMY

THE MESSAGE

A few nights ago I was sleeping. I started dreaming. In that dream I was in a hospital setting. And Cylas was in a hospital bed. He was a little older...maybe 6 or 7 months...his hair was longer and he was laughing and playing around. But he was healthy....I was trying to take in this dream as much as I could.

Since Cylas has been gone which has been 6 years I've only dreamed about him one other time and that dream scared me to death...it was a dream that I wasn't ready for. But this dream I needed it.

Right before I woke up, I heard a voice (haven't figured out whose voice) say "He's doing good!!" As soon as I woke up I had a smile on my face and my heart felt so much lighter. I knew that was Cylas or maybe someone else letting me know that I didn't have to worry as much. Since that night I still feel so much lighter. My son IS ok!!

I will miss him forever that's not something that's easy to let go. I love him with my whole heart and he will always be my son.

So until the next time I receive a new message I will remember this one!! I will know that he is doing good!!! Cylas you are my angel!!!!

Love you forever & always,
Mommy

JUST DROPPING IN

Hey Cylas!!

Trying to get better at keeping you updated. I just have a few things to report. Your sister was named 2nd runner up in the LMC pageant and she couldn't be happier. I was really hoping she would win but I guess her time will come. At least she's broken hearted this time around.

T had some dental surgery last week but did surprisingly well. Now she can't get over her "new" teeth, LOL. She's one crazy little chick.

I'm trying my best to stay of the deep dark pit..............last year wasn't easy for me. I truly believe it when they said the 5th year is the hardest. It was just so hard to get motivated to do anything. I'm hoping that this year will be a little easier. I was actually thinking about asking my family to make boxes for children who don't really have a Christmas and donate them in your honor. I did that last year and it helped a little. I just don't know how people would participate, you know. I always try so hard to keep it between me and your sisters..........I sometimes forget to include or ask anyone else. But I'm going to try my son.........I really am.

Your Nan and Pop are doing good. They keep themselves busy and I still spend my evenings at their house helping Nan cook and everything. I enjoy my time with them as much as I can.

Please come visit. I miss you so much............and these next 4 months are gonna be hard for me. I could really use a heavenly hug and an angel kiss from you!!!

I love you Cylas and I always will!!!

Your Mommy

HEY SON

Hey Cylas!! It's Mommy!! Just thought I was stop by and let you know that I love you very much and miss you more and more each day. The days have been a little better for me. We finally got your nana settled and she's made her own plans, so I don't feel like I have the whole world on my shoulders. I'm still sad that her future looks so bleak but right now all we can do is be there for her and support her. She's still mom and nana and we love her. Pop insists that he's ok...........for now but I do still worry about him.

Your sister is running for Little Miss Cherokee again...........wish her luck and watch over her up there. I hate seeing her heart broken when she doesn't win but she's brave enough to get out there in front of all those people....I'm proud of her. This will be her last year in this age group. It has been alot of work. I am trying to get all her sponsors lined up and it isn't easy. I've got to order her candy, her car magnets, and work on getting her outfits together. Whew!!!

Your little sister has started Pre-K and she loves it. She even rides the big bus to and from school. She looks so cute sitting on the porch with Pop waiting for the bus. I hate that she has to ride the bus alone but until Iwodi is done at New Kituwah they can't be in school together. I'm just relieved that she loves big school. Iwas worried about her. She is growing like a weed!!

But I am pretty sure you know what's going on. Your crazy sisters keep me going. These next few months will not be fun for me but I hope I am able to make it through in one piece. I hate thinking about your birthday. Sometimes I even lost in thought thinking your going to be a certain age only to remember your real age. Your going to be six this year and would have been in Kindergarten. I don't know what you want to be for Halloween.......I can only begin to imagine......maybe a ninja turtle or iron man.....I think you would make a very cute Ninja Turtle, LOL. I hope I don't get depressed this year. Last year was really hard for me. I try my best to stay busy but sometimes it doesnt help.

Continue watching over us from up there on your cloud. Send your some sister some good luck and maybe even help her win the title of Little Miss Cherokee!!! Watch over T and me as well. Visit your nan and pops as often as you can, They miss you too!! Tell everyone up there that I said Hello and that I love and miss them.

Love you baby boy!!!
Mom

BE WITH US

Baby Boy I am getting ready to head to the hospital and it's not a trip I've been looking forward to. Your Nana needs to make some tough decisions today and we have to be there with her. Of course this conversation is going to very hard and I pray for strength to make it through this session. I'm not ready to talk about your Nana dying and I have been trying to deal with this for the last few months. I've been hearing she's this sick or I need to make her do this or that and really I just want what's best for her. It has been so hard to accept that I can't change this.

I know that God has a plan and it's time to depend on him for guidance. Son, I have been trying very hard to do that. It's not easy. I've imagined keeping my mom and dad here forever and now that has been totally shot down. Even if it was a crazy thought. I love my parents. I don't know what kind of person I would have been if I had been given a different set of parents. God knew what he was doing. He blessed with the best parents in the world.

Cylas, please be with us today. Tell the others to be around us as well. We need to feel everyone's love!! Please watch over Nana and Pop!!!! The girls & I love & miss you so very much...........please keep us strong!!!!!

Love,
Mommy

WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO HARD??

Cylas, It's Momma!! It's been awhile since my last post and I'm sorry for that. But you know that you are always on my mind 24-7. Even 5 years into this grief stuff nothing has changed. I still love and miss you just as much as I did right after you died. I'm still broken and have now realized that there will never be a normal for me or your sisters. There has been so much going on......and I'm pretty sure you know that too!! Life is so unfair and unpredictable. I'm still learning that I can't control a situation even though I want to so badly.

Your Nana isn't doing good. She's very sick and I'm very worried about her. She's my momma and I don't know if I'll ever be ready to say goodbye to her. I've had so many people coming at me with different conversations about what I should do or how I should do it..........and right now what I want does not even matter. Her Dementia & Alzheimer's are taking it's toll on her mind, her kidneys are taking a toll on her Body. There has been talk about Dialysis and she's so stubborn and set in her ways the answer has always been a firm "No"! These past few months I've felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.I see no resolutions in sight. It's so hard to explain stuff to her and then her actually remembering the converstaion is really difficult. In my heart of hearts, I want to do everything I can to keep her here, I mean who wouldn't. But right now, the decisions need to be made by her and that's so hard to accept. I mean I guess right now I'm praying for a miracle...............it's the same prayer that I prayed for you.....it's a prayer asking God to please make her better!! That's what Uncle Junebug is doing but I also know that he's falling apart inside. It's different for me....I fall apart when I'm alone...I fall apart on my drive to work....I fall apart everytime I think about this situation. The only relief I feel is when I think about you and Nana reuniting in Heaven!!!! She'll be so happy to see you!!! I hope that you give her a great big hug and tell her stories about your time there. She will be healed and no longer hurting so she'll be able to run and play with you.

Cylas, please watch over all us. These next few months are going to be very difficult not just for me but for everyone. Go visit Pops...............I worry about him the most. He misses you a lot!! And then visit your Sisters. Nana will do anything for her grandbabies and they know it. Losing her is going to be hard on them. Watch over Nana, keep her safe, ask God to please make this process easy for her. Tell him that she's a good woman and best mom/Nana ever. Tell him to take care of her.

Lastly, when you have a chance......come visit with your momma. I could really use some Cylas Lovin' right about now. I miss you sweet boy!!!

Mommy

2 WEEKS

I can't believe that today at 5:28 pm it will be 2 weeks since Aunt Martha passed away. Nana still can't believe she's gone, Preacher is still sad that her gamma is in Heaven & P is having a hard time with it as well. No matter what I say I know that my words will never take their pain away. I miss Martha too but I also know that she's in Heaven with you and that has given me some comfort. You and Martha will now get to know each other.

Please continue watching over us!! It's still hard to deal with this great loss and I know that it will take some time.

I Love You, Cylas Mychal!!!
Mommy

SAYING GOODBYE TO MARTHA

Your Great-Aunt Martha passed away on February 15th at 5:28 pm.

Martha Ann Lossiah Ross – obituary


February 19, 2013Martha Ann Lossiah Ross, 82, of the Cherokee Community went home to be with the Lord on Feb. 15, 2013 at Tsali Care Center with friends and family by her bedside.

She was the daughter of the late John and Charlotte Welch Lossiah of Cherokee

Martha was retired from Qualla Arts and Crafts and was renowned worldwide for her basketry. She was a member of Straight Fork Baptist Church where she was a Sunday School teacher teaching many children whom she loved dearly.

She is survived by her children; son Darrell D Ross of the home; daughters, Gwendolyn Locust of the Big Cove Community, Cherokee, Florence Lewis of Dade City, FL and Candy Ross of Clyde; brothers, Jack Lossiah and Willard Lossie; sisters, Maggie Lossiah, Jane Taylor and Dorothy Thompson all of Cherokee; 13 Grandchildren, 24 Great-Grandchildren, Five Great-Great Grandchildren and many nieces and nephews.

Along with her parents she is preceded in death by two brothers Woodrow and Noah Lossiah. A visitation was held at the Straight Fork Baptist Church in the Big Cove Community on Sunday, Feb. 17 and lasting till the hour of service at 2pm on Monday, Feb. 18. Pastor Charles Ray Ball officiated. An immediate burial followed the service with the nephews acting as the Pall Bearers.

Bruce Martin, Jr., of Long House Funeral Home and grandson to Martha, assisted the family in the service arrangements.

UPDATES

Cylas there is alot going on right now. I'm pretty sure you know all about it. Your momma is trying her best to hold it together. I finally got some rest last night after only getting an hours worth of sleep Thursday. The next few days are going to be hard. Everyone keeps saying that its going to be alright and that it will be ok. I get it. I really do!! But what is suppose to take away the pain and the hurt, you know. Saying goodbye is never easy. Your Aunty Martha is still hanging in there. She hasn't eaten since last Saturday and yesterday they started giving her morphine. I'm thankful that I've been able to go and sit with her. I took your sister to see her last night and she reacted to her voice. She actually smiled!! T knows that's her gramma and that's how I wanted it. Martha loves her so much. I wouldn't and couldn't take that away from her. I don't know how much longer she can make it but one thing for sure, she's ready to go!!! She's been ready to go. She was getting visits from Uncle Woody and Uncle Noah long before this. And I know that they are ready for her to come join them and you. It's going to be a great reunion!! She has parents, siblings, and nephews up there and I know that you all will welcome her with open arms. It will be good for you to get to know her. She's a great Aunt. Don't be shy. Run into her arms when she gets there and tell her that you love her. Be with the family. Let us know that you are around to help her make this journey!!

It's not getting any better for your Nana. As much as I hate to admit it, she's not getting better. I see changes in her daily. It's not going to be easy to explain everything to her. I just don't know how much she comprehends anymore. We have to keep telling her that her sister isn't going to get better and it breaks her heart every single time. Sometimes I wonder if its worth putting her through this. I don't know all the details because I haven't spoken with your Uncle Junebug yet but I think your nana will need to start Dialysis in 3 months. I hope she doesn't fight it and works with the doctors but she's so stubborn!! It's a Lossiah thing, LOL!! I've been trying to talk to her about it and all she says is that it's her life and when it's her time to go, she'll go. I swear she's gonna drive me crazy, LOL, but I do love her. We have good times and then we have bad times. I mainly just hope she'll agree for her grandbabies. She loves all of you so much. I hate that your not here to experience life but then again I'm relieved that you don't have to go through any pain or heartache. You are our angel, we love and miss you every single day!! Watch over your nana. Tell her not to be so stubborn.

Cylas get ready! Tell Gpa John, Gma Charlotte, Great Uncle Woodrow, Great Uncle Noah, your other Aunts & Uncles, Martin, and John Russell to get ready to welcome Martha home!!! It's not going to be too long now so be ready!!! We're ready as we're going to be to tell her Goodbye down here!! <3>
I Love You Baby Boy!!! Forever & Always!!!!
Mommy

5th ANGELVERSARY

Knowing that this year is following the same days from 5 years ago hasn't made this time easy for your mommy. It reminds me that my grief is still very real. All the memories still linger in the back of my mind and feel as if it just happened yesterday. I also remember the good times. I remember when you made us laugh and how you acted just like your sister. And you didn't like baths.

I can't believe it's been 5 years. Its so hard to wrap my head around that fact that it's been 5 years since I last held you in my arms. I am without words. I've had moments where the grief takes over and it's uncontrollable. But I manage to make it through somehow.

Cylas, I miss you so much!!! My heart aches to have you back in my life. I would give anything to hear you say: "I love you, Mommy!!" Please stay close to me, Prairie, & Teela.

Love you to the moon and back!!!
Mommy

HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY CYLAS!!!

Your sisters and I sent you some balloons on your birthday. We sung "Happy Birthday" to you and then let the balloons go. We didn't get to go visit you because the weather was awful and I didn't even get a cake. I've was way behind on my planning and I hope you understand. And instead of buying toys for you this year we participated in Operation Christmas Child. We filled a box with toys and school supplies and sent it to a special little boy in your honor.

I really hope I am able to get you some flowers for your Angelvarsary. I just feel like I've really let you down this year. I just haven't felt like doing anything.

HAPPY BELATED 5TH BIRTHDAY TO MY CYLAS MAN!!!! MOMMY AND YOUR SISTERS LOVE AND MISS YOU VERY MUCH!!!!!

THANKSGIVING

With two of the most celebrated holidays coming up I feel at peace. And for me that's strange. I haven't felt such peace in a very long time. My heart still hurts and I still cry for you. I will always wish that you were here with us but I also know that you are in a much happier place. There are still feelings and issues that I have to deal with but I think this time around I'm going to handle it alot better.

Miss Priss is begging for a christmas tree and T is begging for outside Christmas lights. And to be honest I just don't do Christmas. It's a hard topic for me. I've told them that we'll have to wait and see.

I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you. I love you, Cylas Mychal!!!!

Mommy

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Happy Halloween in Heaven, Cylas!!! I don't know if you celebrate halloween in heaven but if you do I hope you get tons of candy!!!

I can't help but think about what you would have dressed up as. For some reason I keep thinking you would have been the Incredible Hulk!! You would be a rough housing little boy so I think the Hulk would fit you perfectly!!

I wish you could be here to Trick or Treat with your sisters but I know that you are always with us.

Love you!!!
Mommy

OCTOBER 15TH

Today I'm participating!!! Today I remember you!! I will go home and light my candle and just reminisce!!
I will also remember your angel friends and their parents. Since this journey has begun I was feeling like the loniliest person in the world. I didn't understand why I had to suffer such a loss and bear so much grief. No one really understands my feelings and I wouldn't want anyone to go through the same thing. But I have found parents from all over the world who understand my grief. They understand my anger & pain. They love me at my worst and they love me at my best. They remember you and it warms my heart!! I'm not alone in this world of Infant Loss. Even though I have a heart that beats inside of me, it's continually healing. There's a place there that will never ever be filled by any love from another, only yours. That place will always long to feel your hugs and hear those precious words "Mommy I love you!" or "Mommy, you're the best!!" That spot will always be just yours.

So today, I remember my precious, sweet, little angel boy, who I carry in my heart always and send my love to on angel wings!! God Speed, Cylas Mychal!!

Mommy Loves you!!!!!

OCTOBER

October has started off with a blast (as usual)! Emotions running high & everyone anxious about the Fall Season. Our tribe is celebrating a 100 years of our Indian Fair. It's the first year that I've been able to enjoy it without helping your sister with her pagent or even working on her school's float. I've been lazy and just taking it easy. But your Big Sissy said she'll be ready for the pagent's next year so I guess I better enjoy it while I can.

And it doesn't take long to realize that all those Family holidays are coming up and your still missing from those holidays. Halloween is first on the list and even though your not here I still like to think about what you could be for Halloween. I'm pretty sure it would be a Super Hero, maybe Iron Man or Super Man!! And then of course Thanksgiving & Christmas aren't too far behind. I dread Christmas the most. And you know that I do. Your birthday is on the 24th so it kind of makes for a bad Christmas. But we are planning on sending you balloons and having a cake. Just like we always do. You will always be celebrated on your special day!! You are loved and Missed!!!!

Stay close son!!!

Love Mom

WHERE MY MIND IS TODAY..............

It's with you!!! Been sitting here at work with tears in my eyes all morning. Today you are on my mind, my heart is aching for you!! Why?? I don't know. I have moments like this from time to time. Usually it means that I need to visit you or it means that I've been holding it in so long that I'm just ready to break. I keep thinking about how your birthday is only a few months away and how I plan on  celebrating that special day without you here. Your sisters already requested the balloons because they said you love them, Ha!! Ha!! And of course we always do cake. I'm also considering sky lanterns in the shape of hearts, anything for you babe!!

Then we have to decorate your grave with Christmas flowers and some new toys. I keep thinking about all the things you could be doing and the funny things you would be saying. I'm pretty sure you would be mess and a rowdy little man, LOL!!

I love you and miss you, Cylas!!! Always and Forever!!!

Mommy

SO HEARTBROKEN.........AGAIN

It seems like lately I've been everyone's punching bag. And it's totally unfair. Your sperm donor welcomed a new bouncing baby BOY into the world over the weekend and I'm not doing cartwheels or feeling the baby joy!! Guess what this new baby's name is.......bet you can't guess.......it's Channing MYKAL Toineeta!! Yeah, him and baby mama had the nerve to use Mychal (spelled differently)!!! He denied this baby too!!!! He hasn't changed much......he's still a big JERK!!!! I heard they used MYCHAL because it's in honor of you, yeah WHATEVER!!! You can't honor a child that you didn't claim in the first place. It's an insult to your memory and it breaks my heart that he feels he has to do this. If he's feeling guilt about what happened, it's too little, too late!!!!

I am so very angry and mad right now. But I know there isn't nothing I can do. I'm going to have to grin and bare it. J told me not to let it get to me but that's very hard to do. When I was pregnant with you he didn't want nothing to do with you, he didn't stay with you at the hospital, and the only time he was around was when it made him look good, when it made him look like he was suffering!!!! He was putting on a show and that's what he's doing now. He's going to rub it in my face and all I want to do to is punch him in the face.

He didn't deserve a new baby boy. He had one and you were treated like trash!! I loved you, I took care of you, I was there for you, & I am your mother and father. If you were alive I would hold those two roles with grace and plenty of love!!! He just sucks!!!

I want to find a hiding place and just cry myself to sleep. All my feelings of loss are coming back. I just want you!!!!

FINALLY....WE HAVE A ANSWER

I feel so much relief today!! I took Nana back to the doctor last night because she's been complaining of a belly ache for over a month and it has made her feel awful. She visited our local hospital twice and they didn't find anything or even focus on her complaints. I took her to Bryson City and thankfully the doctor was able to find out what is wrong with her. We found out that she has a bacteria in her stomach called H. Pylori. Both of us were relieved but now it has to be treated. This bacteria will never really go away and can act up at anytime. So she's on 3 antibiotics and was given a GI cocktail that she can drink when needed for pain or discomfort. She has to cut down on her coffee which is going to be really hard because she loves her coffee. Now I am hoping this is the answer to our prayers and that she'll somewhat get back to her old self. I am so relieved and happy.

On the other hand, your pop is having a hard time. I think his emotions are running very high right now. He fears that he's going to lose his wife before he's ready and he's missing you. He's just now breaking down and questioning why you had to die. My dad holds everything in (I'm just like him) but when he breaks you better be prepared. He's had a few times here lately where he's been crying and often feels lonely. He doesn't understand why his family doesn't come around. Me, Nana, your big & little sister are all that he has and I think that's starting to scare him. I feel bad for my dad. He doesn't have any contact with the brother and sister that are still living and the only time select family comes to see him is when they money and I know sucks. But he knows that we love him and that's all counts. I pray that God comes into his life and can give him some comfort. That's all I can do.

Continue to watch over Nan and Pops. They love and you miss too!!

SO MUCH GOING ON

Cylas there is so much happening around here. I'm glad that you are in heaven to watch over us. Nana is sick and I don't think she will get any better. Her Alzheimer's is progressing and right now she is just so weak. We are having to keep a close eye on her. Right now all we can do is pray!! Please watch over your nana. She loved holding you and loving on you while you were here and I am pretty sure she would love to feel you around her. Pops is heartbroken. He realizes that she's not going to be the "old" Nana or wife that he once knew. It's going to be a different scenario all too soon. We are not ready to see or lose her. She's been so strong and driven for so long. It's so hard to see her in this condition. Right now she still moves around we just have to watch her and make sure she doesn't fall and she still tries to cook but even that is becoming more hazordous. Your Uncle Junebug is having a hard time dealing with this news. I think we all are. We all just show it differently. I tend to run from my feelings until I can't run no more. And I let it stress me out which right now is not good for me. Your Big sissy is trying to understand what's going on with her Nana and it's so hard to explain things to her. I don't want her to be hurt either. I would much rather her enjoy this time with Nana and have that memory to fall back on. T is too young to understand. She still Nana can move the heaven and earth when she yells at her, LOL!! They are gonna have to watch the changes in their Nana and I'm going to have to find the right words to explain to them. And I know I can do it. I did it before after you passed away. I had to look into Miss Priss' eyes and break her heart by telling her you weren't coming home. That was one of the hardest things I've ever done. But I found the words that time and I know that God will help me explain things to them again.

Then there's me!! I've been having chest pains for a few months and I've been trying to find out what's causing it. I seen a Cardiologist and he doesn't think it's my heart but that doesn't explain the pain I've been feeling. I just want it to go away. I've got to call and set up an appointment to get a heart catheterization done on August 13th. The Dr said that this would answer all my questions and hopefully put my mind at ease. There's alot of things I need to plan for. With Nana being so sick I don't have anyone I trust to watch your sisters. I'm kind of in a bind. That alone makes me want to cancel this whole procedure. But I know that I've got to find out or it will drive me crazy. I will figure out the details and I just hope and pray that I don't have any blockages and it's a one day procedure. I'm scared and I worry about the girls. I'm all they have. I'm the one person that they know they can depend on. I've got my church family praying for me and I've been doing some praying. I believe that prayers are answered and I believe in the power of prayers. I've got an appointment with the Oncologist Wednesday to find out if I have cancer (which the doctor is pretty sure I don't.) And that's a little scary!!! So much is going on. I feel like my world is crashing down around me. I feel pretty much like I did after you got so sick and it looked hopeless for you. All I wanted to do was trade places with you. I wanted to take away your pain. I'm feeling helpless right now. I hate the unknown!!! I've been there before with you and I definitely didn't want to ever revisit that feeling again. Please watch over me as well. You are my special guardian angel and I love you very much. Watch over your sisters during this time. Comfort their hearts.

I just want to make sure I am here for your sisters. I long to reunite with you but I know that you are fine. You are in Heaven. You have no worries, no sickness, or no pain. I don't want to leave your precious sisters without a mommy. Being a mommy is the greatest thing that this life has to offer. So Please Cylas I ask that you watch over your family!!! Send us some comfort and peace!!!

Love you Little man!!!!!

A LITTLE HECTIC

As I am writing this I find that my life has gotten a little hectic. I'm having some health issues and it's a little scary and aggravating. Apparently my white blood count has been high since I had you and the doctors here in Cherokee are just now sending out to see why? I was afraid it was cancer, because as you can see, I read too much. The doctor I seen said he doesn't think it's cancer but he did run some tests and I go back to see him on the 25th. I've also been having chest pains. I've had two EKG's done, One doctor's visit at Cherokee, I had a stress test done on Monday, July 9th and found out today that the EKO came back abnormal. I've had one doctor appointment after another. It seems as though they are non stop here lately. But I want to find out what's going on with me. I don't have time to fall apart. I don't have anyone to help raise your sisters, it's just me. And they need me. I want to make sure that I am here for them. So I go see a cardiologist next Thursday so we shall see. I also have to go see a dermatologist but that's not until August.

T has to go see a doctor in Asheville about her arm. Her doctor thinks it's healing well but he said he would feel better if she was seen over there. Miss Priss is the only one holding up, LOL. She's enjoying her summer and dreads the start of a new school year. She'll be in the third grade. We took your turtle to you yesterday. She picked a spot out for it on your grave and took pictures with her tablet. They sure do miss you. T talks about you being in heaven and that you are her big brother. And Miss Priss still sleeps with Stripes the tiger you "left" her. And she won't share that thing with T for nothing. I'm so happy they love you the way they do. You are one lucky little boy. You've got a ton of come flying to you every night!!!!

I keep moving forward and I try not to think about the stuff going on in my life. But sometimes it's hard. I can feel the worry and grief building up on my shoulders. And it's not a good feeling. Cylas, please watch over me and keep me safe. You are my guardian angel and I love you!!!

Mommy