ANGELVARSARY #44

From January 15, 2008 to Now (September 15, 2011) you have been gone for 44 months. There are times I can barely wrap my mind and heart around that. It still feels like everything just happened yesterday. It's hard to believe that heaven has actually held you longer than I ever did (and I did that alot while you were here.) There was always a part me telling myself that I better enjoy you while I can but I didn't understand that feeling until the day you died and I could only hold you for a little while before I had to hand you over to the Funeral Home staff that came to pick you up. Letting you go knowing that would be the last time I ever held you was heartbreaking.

I'm having sleepless nights again. I wish I could explain why. Yesterday we were out riding around and P looked up in the sky and saw a cloud shaped like a heart! She said "look mom, that cloud looks like a heart!! Do you think it's Cylas telling us he loves us?" And I said, "it could be." She's been missing you and talking about you too!! And Boss will look at your picture and say "brother's in heaven." Over time its gotten easier but there are still times I cry and cry.

You are still very much a part of our lives. We miss you. We love you. We all wish that you could have stayed.