BAH-HUM-BUG

Your birthday is only a couple weeks away and right now its more like the calm before the storm!! I'm trying to find ways to stay busy and occupied and it works for a little while and then I'm back to square one. I haven't even had time to really buy anything for your grave and that stresses me out a lot. The lanterns I ordered have come in but I still need to buy flowers, toys, and balloons! Oh and I need to get a cake. I hate having to stay so occupied!

I've had to go shopping for two different programs and I have announced to everyone that I don't do Christmas and I don't wrap! Some people understand and then some look at me like I'm crazy!! I'm in a Bah-hum-bug kind of mood! I really miss you and every little boy I see reminds me of what might have been!! It just kills my heart. I'm doing the best I can to make it through the holidays without losing it!

AND I have to plan something for Teela's 2nd birthday too!! And I don't want to! Cylas you missed and loved everyday! I think I might be keeping myself sick and I really need to find a way to handle my grief and stress! There are times I don't cry when I need to and then there are times I don't relax when I know I should! All I know is that I want to be here for your sisters! Cylas please help me figure out what I need to do! Please stay close to everyone, epecially your sisters!!

Trying to stay strong,
MOMMY