30 MONTH ANGELVARSARY

30 months, really!!!! It feels like I said goodbye to you only yesterday. It doesn't seem like our goodbyes are already that far away. Soon you will be 3 years old and even that's unbelievable! All I can do is imagine how you would have been. I've missed out on so much; sometimes it's very hard to comprehend and then there are times I have to laugh because I know that I would be a very busy Momma!! But to be honest I'd rather be a busy Momma then what I've become over the last 30 months. I've become someone that I don't even recognize. It's amazing how much grief and the loss of someone you love so dearly can change your whole life. I have tried my hardest to make life normal not only for myself but for your sisters too! That's a task that's easier said than done.

No matter how normal it gets, you are still missing from everything we do. You are not here for the holidays or the birthdays. It still stings when I think about all that we could be doing right now. I wanted to play with toy trucks and back hoes. I wanted to teach you how to kick and catch a football. I wanted to see you grow and play with your sisters. Your sisters keep me busy but I am still missing you everyday. I want you here with me. Will the "want" ever go away? Will I ever adjust to this new "normal"?

CYLAS, I LOVE AND MISS YOU EVERYDAY. PLEASE STAY CLOSE. WATCH OVER YOUR SISTERS AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS!!!!

MOMMY