IT'S GOING TO BE A HARD WEEK

I've been doing good so far this month. But then last night I totally broke down in front of the kiddos. I was holding T and just holding her so tight. P was asking what was wrong, then she knew that I was missing you. I've been trying so hard to be strong and keep a smiling, happy face. But I haven't been able to quit thinking about you all weekend. Maybe it was the snow and being stuck at home that made me think about you so much. Your 2nd birthday is 3 days away and I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I was really hoping it wouldn't snow so I could visit your grave and leave your toys. But SNOW always ruins my plans. I also probably won't be able to release balloons at your grave either. I will send them though. I just need to go buy some.

Cylas, please visit me. Let me know that you are around. I miss you so very much. It's so hard celebrating Christmas without you. There's this big hole. Someone is missing and that someone is never coming back. You would think I would be past this stage by now, but I'm not. It seems like it starts over with each year and each holiday that passes.

I LOVE YOU, forever and always.
Mommy