Prairie

Last night was hard for me emotionally. Prairie was having a hard time and I felt so lost because I didn't know what to say to make her feel better. I had her ready for bed by 9:00 but we didn't fall asleep until much later. She was upset and crying. She cried for about an hour and a half. She told me that she misses Cylas, she wishes he would come back, she wants to hold him and love him. She told me that her heart was broken. How am I supposed to make her feel better? How can I let her know that it's going to be ok? I can't tell her that's it's going to be ok, when I don't even know myself if it's going to be ok. I hate seeing her hurting.

I told her Cylas will always be in her heart and that he will never be forgotten, but last night those words just didn't seem to help. She wanted her brother and that's all she knew. But I am glad that she's able to express her feelings like that. At least it's not all bottled up. All I know how to do is hug her and tell her that I love her and that Cylas knew that she loved him, too. I've got to wonder if the pain will ever end. When it seems like we've moved forward in our grief, we always fall about 5 steps back.

Cylas, be with your sister. She misses you so much. She only wants you back. She wants to hold you and play with you. She wants to help change your diapers. She wants her heart to stop breaking. Please stay close.

Mommy