Why Can't you come back?

Cylas, why can't you come back? That seems to be the million dollar question on everyone's mind. I want you back! Your sister wants you back! Your Nan & Pops wants you back! Your Uncle wants you back! Everyone wants you back!!! I would do anything to bring you back. My whole life I wanted to have a son. I don't exactly know why I wanted a son, but I just knew that I would get my boy one day. When I was pregnant with your sister, I just knew that I was carrying a boy, but your Nan knew better. She knew that I was getting my little princess first. Your sister acts just like me, she doesn't look like me, but she has my attitude and my OMG the fact that she doesn't have any patience isn't surprising either!!! Then when I found out you were a boy I couldn't wait until I could hold you in my arms, count your fingers and toes, run my fingers through your thick dark hair, & fall in love with you. I was worried that I couldn't love you as much as I loved your sister or that I would have a hard time taking care of both of you. I often say that your sister makes up for six children all by herself. I find myself thinking about what it would be like to have you here. I wonder if I would be doing this or watching this if you were here. Would you get along with your sister or would be just one big fight for my attention from day to day? I would love to see if you still looked like your "dad" or if your appearance has changed. I wouldn't want you to lose your chubby cheeks, I loved those!!

I would do whatever I had to do to get you back in my arms. I want both my kids to be happy and the crazy thing about that is that I know your happy. You have alot of angel friends in Heaven and I know that you enjoy playing with them. I know that you probably wouldn't want to come back if even we begged for 10 million years you'd never come back because of what you have. The hardest thing I've had to do is let you go. I didn't want to let you go, but it wasn't meant for you to stay. I worry about your sister. She wants so badly to bring you back. I've told her that I don't have that kind of magic. I told her that you took it all with you but she still has Stripes, the magic tiger. If we could only have one more day with you I would take pictures of you and your sister together, I would take pictures of you by yourself, I would look into those deep dark eyes, and I would continually count your fingers and toes. I would make sure that I held you tight and I would tell you I love you a million times. I would let your sister hold you as much as possible and I wouldn't worry about you getting spoiled. I would try to fit in as much as possible if you would only come back. I want to hear your belly laugh, I can just imagine how it would sound. And even though I don't like to hear you cry, I would let you cry for just a moment so that the sound of your laughter and cry would be imbedded in my memory forever.

I miss you and I want you in my life. I want you back! Your sister wants you back!

Mommy